Reader Question: People always criticize me. I am constantly on guard, waiting to be hit with people’s words. My mother was very critical and strict. But I know deep inside that I love life and want to be free, even though I’m shy and meek and also self-critical. How can I change this?

Anandra is the resident life coach on about.com. Browse Q&A from readers, or ask Anandra your question.

Response: It sounds like you’d very much enjoy being seen, understood, loved, and appreciated as you are. There’s nothing you need to change or fix about yourself in order to deserve love. Your soul is perfect and totally lovable as it is!! The only thing you need to practice or “do” is to consistently remember is your true nature (your soul, your spirit, your essence, the “I AM” behind all other ideas you have about yourself). Your work, if you want to……See the full answer on Anandra’s “Ask a Life Coach” column on about.com: http://healing.about.com/od/positivethought/fl/self-criticism.htm

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Reader Question: I work hard to be a good husband and father but feel that I fall short. I choose to be my wife and son’s hero but make mistakes and errors at the worst time. Please help. Thanks. –Rik

Anandra is the resident life coach on about.com.
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Response: This is a lovely question. At first I was going to tell you I can’t help you stop making mistakes, but I actually can if you carefully consider the words below. And, just as importantly, I can help you cultivate an attitude of self-love and forgiveness that will make you an even more real hero for your wife and kids.

First, how to make fewer mistakes:
In my view, attaining a state of perfection isn’t about always doing the right thing, it’s about being perfectly in the moment, present, and aware. Our errors come when we’re disconnected; when we’re connected, the right action always flows. To focus on right action before right self-connection is putting the cart before the horse.

Someone said to me recently, “The only sin is knowing better and doing it anyway.”…. See the full answer on Anandra’s “Ask a Life Coach” column on about.com: http://healing.about.com/od/askalifecoach/a/how-to-be-a-better-husband-and-father.htm

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Reader Question: My manager is a lazy jerk. He thinks we are just there to serve him, and he is often curt with me. I admit I often give him the shortest possible answer to his question, just to toy with him. He tells me he feels sensitive around me, too. I go into work every day promising myself that I’m going to be present and non-reactive, but I get frustrated. My job is perfect for me except for the relationship with the manager, which is driving me nuts. Is this a sign I should move on? – Chelsea

Anandra is the resident life coach on about.com.
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Response: Dear Chelsea, First of all, I applaud your honesty. It indicates a high degree of integrity that you’re willing to look at your contribution to this uncomfortable relationship, and self-awareness of your motivations is the first step towards changing how you relate to others.
Before we move into what I see as the real question, I’d like to address your inquiry, “Is this a sign I should move on?” I judiciously avoid making predictions for people, because it doesn’t feel responsible to me. Only you can sense deeply into the direction of your inner compass, and follow its course. That said, it’s not “a sign” if you’re running from an uncomfortable lesson, an evolutionary tension point that if embraced wholeheartedly, could lead to a much deeper experience of self-awareness and true connection with life.

If you would be so kind as to allow me a small word of caution, which I think may be helpful to you and many readers: Often those on the “spiritual” path start using signs, intuition, guidance, etc. to avoid dealing with the sometimes-gritty reckoning of their identity and their unconscious defense systems. While it may seem like the easy thing to do in the short term, it does not do them any favors in the long run. It creates further disconnect and does not support an integrated spiritual life. I could go on, but suffice it to say: Be Careful! Learn to distinguish (the sometimes confusing and distracting) inner voices of fear and defensiveness, from the deeper gut voice of your pure intuition. Hint: Guidance arises from fullness, not reaction. If you need help sorting through your voices, bounce your ideas off someone you trust not to collude with you, someone who’ll tell you the truth.

Now, how to deal with the situation with your manager: It sounds like you’d really like to experience more ease and harmony in your workday. Yes! Sounds great, and sounds totally possible, if you’re willing to be even more honest, self-connected, and self-responsible.

1. Give yourself empathy. Before you gloss over your discomfort and judge yourself for not being more saintly, take a bit of time to acknowledge how you feel. Angry, irritated, frustrated, disgusted (with him and also yourself)? Despondent, Hopeless?…. See the full answer on Anandra’s “Ask a Life Coach” column on about.com:http://healing.about.com/od/askalifecoach/a/dealing-with-difficult-boss.htm

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Reader Question: Dear Anandra, I want to quit my job and focus on making music for a living. I am very talented, but have been becoming too caught up in a job that steals my soul. I have saved up a bit of money to get me through a few months, but still need something to give me the final push to actually do it this time (have been thinking about it for a long time). What do you think? –Karly

Anandra is the resident life coach on about.com.
Browse Q&A from readers, or ask Anandra your question.

Response:Dear Karly,There is nothing more wonderful than putting your energy into what makes your heart SING! When your deepest inner voice is urging you to follow a certain path, you honor the life inside of you by aligning your will and your actions with your higher purpose. Call it “God’s will,” “divine destiny,” “dharma,” or what you will… but the overpowering sense of oneness with all that is, which results from listening to and acting on your soul calling, is unmistakable.

When you’re standing at the proverbial fork in the road (sorry to use such a cliché!), and your feelings clearly indicate expansiveness, joy, love, and fulfillment when you imagine yourself going down one path, and dullness, dread, contraction, and heaviness at the other, do you really need me to tell you what I think? (Smile. Wink.) If you just need a nudge to have the confidence to follow your heart, here it is!

If you’ve done your homework, have a nest egg, connections in the business, a reasonable knowledge of how to make a musical career happen, and realistic expectation of what a musician’s life typically entails, even better. For you and anyone else taking a leap to follow their dreams, be kind to yourself and be sure to balance this great expansive move with a sense of stability.…. See the full answer on Anandra’s “Ask a Life Coach” column on about.com: http://healing.about.com/od/askalifecoach/a/follow-your-heart.htm

Ready to engage coaching and master YOUR next transformation…whether it’s relationship – career – spiritual or all of the above?
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Reader Question: I feel so far from myself it’s not even funny. I was a life coach and healer myself, and I know what it feels like to be connected, but right now I am so out of whack it’s crazy. I am nervous, anxious, fearful, shaking, can’t sleep, feel terrible about myself, and have started smoking cigarettes again. I’m barely eating, my digestion is a mess, and most days I don’t even want to leave the house. Help!

Anandra is the resident life coach on about.com.
Browse Q&A from readers, or ask Anandra your question.

Response: Hello my dear. It sounds like textbookvata (or vatha) imbalance, according to Ayurveda. It’s quite uncomfortable, and I’m sure you’d love to get back to feeling peace, ease, and harmony!!

In addition to getting personal support for the underpinnings of the emotional, mental, and spiritual causes of your upset, managing your physical energies can bring you a lot of relief. When your physical energy is calm, stable, and grounded, it’ll be possible for you to move forward with the life changes that would best reflect your soul.

When your air/ether element is disturbed called a vata imbalance in Ayurveda. It feels like you’re swirling around and around with nowhere safe to call home. The mind can go to some very dark places, and you’re easily influenced by the energy of others, media, and food.

You may still need/want to get personal help, but here are a few tried-and-true, simple home remedies for getting your energy back into balance.

• A self-oil massage with warm sesame oil every morning before your shower/bath is a excellent. Apply to every part of your body, including your head and with a cotton swab to your ears and nostrils. Let it soak in for about 15 minutes before you rinse lightly with warm water.…. See the full answer on Anandra’s “Ask a Life Coach” column on about.com: http://healing.about.com/od/askalifecoach/a/treating-vata-imbalance.htm

Ready to engage coaching and master YOUR next transformation…whether it’s relationship – career – spiritual or all of the above?
Schedule your free 15-minute session now.